THE EUTAW STREET SONG (FEELIN' SQUISHY)...by Jim Hoey

(to be sung in the bullpen to the tune of Paul Simon's 'The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)')

Slow down, you’re thinkin’ too fast.
The other pitchers ya gotta outlast -
But 'cha feelin' like you’re gonna pass a stone,
Lookin' for a way out, feelin' squishy.
Ba da da da da da da, feelin' squishy.

Hello, Leo, whatcha knowin'?
Come to watch my ERA growin'?
Ain'tcha got no answers for me?
Doo it doo doo, feelin' squishy.
Ba da da da da da da, feelin' squishy.

There's no lead I can hold, no promise I can keep.
I wish I were back in the minors and ready to sleep!
Let the fans and the writers drop their bad vibes on me
Life, I love you, all is squishy!
Ba da da da da da da ba bap a dee...

 I know I should be writing a column today, but I'm feeling a little bit uncertain. I think I'd better pass.

You're counting on me, you say? Need a little sunshine after yet another bullpen meltdown last night?

(My wife says I'm insane for watching this week, even though at least with the DVR I watch a game in an hour to ninety minutes. She may be right, but for me it's very much like that proverbial train wreck...it's awful, but morbidly fascinating; I can't look away.)

Well, I'm sorry about your needs. I'm feeling a little nervous. I thought of something funny, but when I began typing, I sort of lost my arm slot and the typos were cropping up everywhere. Pretty soon, I couldn't form a complete sentence.

My mind is just fine, though. As a matter of fact, it's tremendous. I just...don't feel the same way as I did when I was writing over at the Hangout; there was no pressure over there - no one read or commented on the columns, anyway, since most of the posters were too busy flaming each other, defending Syd Thrift, or trading Delino DeShields for Jim Thome.

Anyway, I'm just not in the right frame of mind right now. There's a lot of pressure here - after all, there are only two writers for this thing. It gets to you after awhile.

Maybe later. I'll let you know.

I've got to get going now...I have a meeting with this Dave Ritterpusch guy.