Baseball Jones

by Bob Bryant - December 17, 2003

From out of the mist, a tall, gangly character in a porkpie hat approaches the luxury car. The driver's side window lowers as the seedy-looking man leans into the car.

"Hey, Lenny, how's it hanging, buddy?"

"I'm great, just great, Mikey. Look, Mikey, have you got any more of the stuff?"

"Lenny, Lenny, Lenny. You mean the primo stuff? The stuff from New Orleans?"

"Yeah, that's the stuff. You got it. Listen, Mikey, I haven't had a rush like that in six years. I need some more."

"Lenny, my man. Hold on! (Laughing) You're gonna get the bends, my man! Slow down a little and talk to me! I mean, you just took delivery of that primo Oakland stuff we picked up in New Orleans on Sunday! I don't know about you, but by my Mickey Mouse watch, it's only the middle of the early morning on Wednesday, Lenny. How can you need another hit already?"

"I don't know. I mean, you've sold me some good stuff in the past, but this shipment, wow, I've never felt anything like it. And the word on the street is, that you might have some more. Maybe even more than one."

"That's what you've heard, huh?"

"Sure, man, it's all over the street. Neyer, Gammons, everyone says so. Listen you gotta help me. I'm reading the sports pages every day. I'm reading old sports pages again and again. I'm checking my O's website constantly, hoping for some more. It's like I'm possessed!  I'm telling ya, I gotta get some more of this stuff!"

"You can't believe everything you hear, there, Lenny. I wouldn't want you to get your hopes up and then be all disappointed."

"You mean it's not true? You're not holding out on me, are you, Mikey?"

"Look, Lenny, Jimmy is out working on some other deals right now, but as of yet, all that stuff you're hearing is just rumor. There ain't no new shipment. You're just going to have to be patient. Say, Lenny, I do think I have some of that flu vaccine left...interested?"

"Patient? PATIENT? Do you know how long it's been since I've had this feeling? Do you have any idea what it was like working with the guy who used to be down here?"

"You mean old Thrifty the Sid?"

"Yeah, that old fool. Hey, I scraped along on his watered-down crap for years. I even though about leaving the wife and kids and moving to New York for awhile. He'd always pat his pocket and tell me he had a big plan in there that was going to net me all the stuff I ever wanted. But nothing ever happened! And then you and Jimmy the Beat came along, and I thought things were gonna get better, and, don't get me wrong, Mikey, things did get better, on the distribution and professionalism end, but the stuff you were peddling wasn't a whole lot better than that old geezer's Confederate glop. But now, I've had a taste of the good stuff, and I want more.  I NEED more. You gotta help me..."

"Hey, hey, Lenny. Don't worry, we're working on it. You've gotta be patient, it's going to take a little time. Listen, Lenny, one of the guys we're talking about bringing into the organization has a connection for Viagra. If you're interested, I can hook you up..."