Just when you thought it safe to go back into the lab...here, once again, is the 2001 installment of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hydegrove !!!

"So, Mr. Hydegrove, we meet again. I'm sure you are quite pleased with yourself after the pounding the Birds took last year. After all, you predicted nearly everything that happened."

"Well, that's quite gracious of you to say, Jekyll. Of course, I was wrong about Mike Bordick and Delino DeShields, and not even I could predict the misery Mike Mussina was going to go through, and, in turn, inflict on the club, but we can't be totally right, now, can we? Now don't tell me you're thinking positive things about this bunch are you? Jekyll, you never cease to amaze me with your sunny disposition. Now, close you eyes, click your heels together three times, and say "The Orioles DO have a farm system...the Orioles DO have a farm system...HA HAH HA HA !!!"

"All right, all right. But I think I have real room for optimism this year...the Orioles have finally found the errors of their ways, and they are going to build the right way now. And they have picked up some stepping stones that can help them ford the rough streams ahead."

"Like who?"

"Well, how about this Richard fellow? Comes over here out of the shadow of Mark McGuire and starts hitting pretty well, after a slow start. If you projected his at bats over a whole season, he would have hit 30 homers !!!"

"But, Jekyll, my good man, you DON'T do that. Sure, he might be solid, There have been a couple of guys that pop up after age 26 like Richard. Do you understand what rare ground the Orioles are exploring here? There have only been 21 players who debuted at the age of 26 or after, hit more than 13 homers, and slugged over .500, like Richard did. More than half of them would have to be considered flash in the pan types. Boston is still waiting for Brian Daubach to hit like that again. Is it possible? Sure. It is likely? No. He does have a nice looking swing, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt...but look more for 20 homers, not 30...and 20 out of your right fielder is lousy."

"Well how about that nice Mora fellow in center?"

"If he's the super sub on the bench waiting to fill in when someone needs a rest, goes down, or you need a late game hit or stolen base, fine. As my everyday center fielder, again, you're below average."

"Anderson and/or DeShields in left?"

"Well, I'm going to give Brady some slack this year. I think he might put up some numbers if he can stay healthy. It's good he's finally out of center. But if he's in there, and DeShields is DH'ing, that means Gibbons isn't playing, and that, of course, is missing the point entirely of rebuilding. Next."

"Cal?"

"Give me a break. Here's a guy that has insisted on taking the Willie Mays way out...it's not that he can't play when he's healthy, it's that he can't stay healthy. How ironic is that? Of course, Jekyll, you know no one appreciates irony more than I, but I just hope they don't have to carry the man off the field on a stretcher sometime this June. It's a darn good thing the Orioles don't have anyone to replace him, or it might have gotten ugly. I never figured Ripken to take the Steve Carlton route."

"Bordick?"

"Last year WAS nice, wasn't it, Mike? One might think you'd make a deal with my close friend Beelzebub..but then, you didn't win the Series, did you? By the way, Jekyll, I was just down in Hades a couple of weeks ago...they've picked up a couple already and are getting ready for the rest of those Mets who sold their souls back in 1969..."

"Well, he WAS an All-Star last year."

"And that was last year. Nice guy, diminished range, back to 12 homers, Mike. Not bad, but not better than average, and certainly not in the top five in the AL like last year."

"Now, Hairston...HERE'S a kid you have to like..."

"And I DO. Nice role player. Super defensive talent. But this kid needs more stick. He shows potential of a good eye, getting on base. He just needs to stay patient. The problem is, Jekyll, you want him to be a STAR. I'm just looking at him to be potentially better than average...and he's not there yet."

"Segui is a nice addition."

"Well, he is, again, if he was a supporting player. Look, I'll grant he's a late bloomer. I'll grant they should look in his car instead of Manny Alexander's for steriods. I'll grant he had a great year last year. With that great year, he was 13th among ML first basemen in winning percentage. With a more typical Segui year, he'll be somewhere between 18 and 25. No pop doesn't lie, you know. And he ain't got none. I like the dude, a lot. Good guy to have around. But what do I expect? Let's be nice...average first base production."

Well, I really like what Brook Fordyce did after he came over."

"He IS the feel good guy, isn't he? Nice looking, articulate, eager, can hit a little, pitchers say they like the way he works. Two problems. One is, he doesn't throw very well. Second, he's 30. Even if he DOES produce this year, which I'm gonna give him maybe 75% of what fans are thinking, and that'll still be OK, barely...but I say this is the last season he does it. Catchers over 30, man...don't these GM's get this? Everyone isn't Mike Piazza and Pudge, ya know. At least they didn't pay those bucks for Charles "Salary Drive" Johnson, who'll either be playing first or hitting .250 in two years.

So, let's see...below average major league production in right, center, third, second, first, and MAYBE average production in left, catcher, and short, if the guys have good years. You'll have one of the better DH situations going with Gibbons, IF you can trade DeShields so he can play. Otherwise, he's rotting. This is where the O's don't get it. If they haven't moved DeShields and Conine by June 1, they've lost a big opportunity, for no reason. If they move DeShields and Conine at the deadline (hopefully a certainly), there's been a lot of lost time."

"So, you're saying the offense won't be very good, even though there are lots of fresh faces I like..."

"Like them all you want...my man Albert has gone, but the pain will linger on in a different manner...the pain of an inept offense."

"Well, what about the pitching?"

"Way to step up, you minor leaguers. All you had to do was beat out a three time ML loser in Johnson, and a converted relief pitcher in his mid thirties. And you couldn't do it. You were so bad, as a matter of fact, that a free agent that's been cut twice in two years beat you out, AND a lefty that's been doing nothing for Toronto came over and lasted till final cut. So you're left with basically a guy that should be a 3, one who is a 4, and three number 5's. As Gene Wilder said in Young Frankenstein, "Nice grouping."

"Well, the bullpen will be better."

"That's like the way my friend Bob Bryant describes the Baltimore farm...comparing it to a Yugo versus a Vega. The Vega is a better car, but only by Yugo standards. It's still a piece of crap. Trombley had a bad spring. B.J. Ryan had an AWFUL spring. Roberts will help, though he probably should be starting. Kohlmeier looks pretty shaky out there. Maduro looks like he might actually help. Buddy Groom's been awful, and Alan Mills looks better on the DL then he'll look on the mound."

"Gosh, Hydegrove, I just don't see that. I see this as Ponson's year to win 15, and Mercedes has been good in the spring. Johnson has been great this spring, and the bullpen can come around."

"Even if I grant you the first two, Johnson's had good springs before. He's still a two pitch pitcher who won't see the way to relieve, so for him it will always be a matter of time unless he develops another pitch. Maybe Roberts will be 2001's Mercedes. Even if he IS, there's still that bullpen to contend with, and where are the runs going to come from? It doesn't do any good to lead the league in steals if you lead in caught stealing.too."

"So you don't think they can play a season at the .500 pace they did the last quarter of the season, like I do?"

"No, Jekyll, I don't. Luckily for them, the East is off this season, but I still don't see them winning more than 70 games. I'm just hoping they make the moves, and really get going. I get tired of being right all the time...the last couple of years, this has just been too easy. Goodbye, Jekyll."

"Till next year, My Hydegrove..."